How to stop feeding the destructive desires of our habits
“Our predicament isn’t in developing bad habits, but rather in the cycle that perpetuates them“
On multiple occasions, when I believed I had meticulously planned everything, all calculated, I realized that my actions would inevitably ruin all my proposed plans. I regressed into the same detrimental habits, perpetuating a cycle that was destroying me.
The absence of self-control held me captive.
Each step forward was followed by three steps backward. What a disheartening experience. I yearned to succeed in my goal, only to fall to my knees like a scoundrel, blaming myself for ruining all my plans.
In reality, this was a profound and severe issue.
There were several addictions I needed to overcome in my life. The most severe was alcoholism, followed by cigarettes, which seemed like an inseparable pair. One addiction drew me towards the other, creating a chaotic and overwhelming situation.
It was an internal battle within me—a war between two destructive forces.
To emerge victorious, I had to arm myself with self-awareness. I became meticulous in observing every slip-up, determined to learn from my mistakes and avoid repeating them.
The outcome of my observation
Examining my surroundings, thoughts, and emotions during that moment of hesitation made me realize how significantly they can influence my decisions. A chain of anxieties was unleashed within me. I shut out all possibilities and ignored the potential consequences and feelings that could arise.
I sabotaged my thoughts. At times, I would tell myself (Just one more time) (No one will notice), or (next time, I’ll hold on a little longer.) All these negative thoughts were brewing in my mind.
I admit they didn’t sound very positive.
It felt like a pressure cooker, and a significant explosion would happen sooner or later. Then, I realized that I was the only one who could control my thoughts. I needed to stop and discard everything that wanted to make me falter or change my course.
The Battle of the Mind
The mind is the battleground where the first fight takes place. You can likely prevent the rest that ensnares your mind by eliminating all seductive thoughts. Self-sabotage lurks within you and operates even when you’re asleep, subtly working its magic behind the scenes.
You may not perceive it, but you can sense its presence.
A single spark of thought ignited a chain reaction of sabotage within me, akin to a domino effect. Often, it appeared as if I was inadvertently inviting self-sabotage’s detrimental, hindering, and defeating influences into my life without realizing it.
These patterns inevitably led to self-destructive outcomes.
Over time, it gradually eroded my motivation, causing my self-esteem to plummet and leaving me with a heavy heart filled with sadness. I made attempts with trembling hands, fearing that I would inevitably relapse.
I was convinced that I would lose control and fall off the wagon at any moment.
How did I overcome it?
- I concentrated on my most important goal: achieving sobriety and regaining control over my life. Each victory I secured was a cause for celebration that boosted my self-esteem. I had to generate my motivation.
- I told myself, “If I can accomplish something for a single day, I will carry the lessons and experiences of that day forward into the next.” I had to regain my belief in myself.
- I realized that self-sabotage was an internal enemy that hindered my progress. While it was challenging to overcome, it was not an insurmountable obstacle.
- The battle started in my head. I was the boss of what I could let in.
There was no room for hesitation. Life and death hung in the balance. I could change the outcome if I was determined to stand by my decision.
Every step I took forward propelled me closer to my goal.
Let me give you an example.
One day, while walking, I encountered an old friend with whom I used to drink. Naturally, I associated him with my desire and reaction to alcohol (REMINDER).
We began talking, but subconsciously, I was anticipating the moment when the topic of drinking would arise. (ROUTINE.)
As soon as that subject came up, a mental debate ensued, questioning whether I could drink again. Eventually, I convinced myself and accepted a drink (REWARD).
Every time I failed, the pattern was the same. The destructive habit cycle had ensnared my life.
So, let’s revisit the subject. As soon as you dispel the thought, the reminder ceases to exist. Doing so prevents you from falling into the destructive routine and never experiencing the reward.
That was the pivotal moment that shattered my lifelong cycle of detrimental habits.
It took me time to face myself and win the battle. These decisions must be made daily, every hour, minute, and second of the confrontation between self-sabotage, bad habits, and myself. This ongoing struggle requires relentless commitment and an understanding that change is not a one-time event but a continuous journey filled with ups and downs.
Every day, we are presented with choices that uplift or hold us back. These moments of decision define our paths. Sometimes, the weight of our past choices can feel overwhelming, as if shadows loom over our potential. However, it is essential to remember that we hold the power to rewrite our narrative and pave the way for a brighter future.
Often, it is not the exterior that leads us to live badly; what comes from within us. Our thoughts, beliefs, and internal dialogue shape our reality. We can dismantle the barriers we unknowingly erected by cultivating a healthier mindset and fostering self-awareness. Through introspection and self-compassion, we can truly understand our motivations and desires, enabling us to make choices that align with our authentic selves.
I hope my experiences are helpful to you in some way. It will help you get to know yourself better, reinforce your weak points, and remind you that you are in control. By sharing our stories, we can foster community and belonging, understanding that we are not alone in our struggles. These shared experiences can serve as a foundation for growth, encouraging us to reach out for support and offer it in return.
Embrace this journey, for it is one of empowerment and discovery. Let each moment of reflection lead you closer to the person you aspire to be, and may you always remember that you have the strength to change your story one day at a time.
“The secret of change is to focus all your energy, not on fighting the old, but on building the new.“
Socrates
Thank you for reading.
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