Could it be that I’m secretly in love with bad behaviors?
It was five in the afternoon, the day was mild, and my comrades were already gathered having fun. I kept trying to stay away from addictions, even covering my ears and closing my eyes to not see how everyone seemed to enjoy life “supposedly.” At the same time, I looked like a wandering soul, lifeless and without joy.
I tried to keep my mind occupied, walking the streets (homeless at that time) looking for entertainment or something that would keep me away from thinking about alcohol all day. It was a tedious and frustrating task at times. Everything seemed boring and pointless.
Suddenly, I found myself on the same route that took me behind the shelter, by the train tracks, as on autopilot. There was a debate of thoughts in my mind, some approving while others were contradicting my actions.
What was I looking for in that place? I knew the answer in the back of my mind. I was provoking to meet someone that will offer me a drink.
The combination of time and place — even the right temperature — plus the urgency of the addiction made it almost impossible to hold back. Altogether, they reinforced the pattern that made me fall over and over again.
Habits practiced daily, even by just one tiny percent — positive or negative— create a deep root in the long term “for our benefit or against us.”
In my case, the continuous practice of getting drunk every day to escape reality (responsibilities) formed a bond in my subconscious that even if I didn’t want to do it consciously, I felt drawn to get drunk again “subconsciously.”
That’s what Charles Duhigg called “The Power Of The Habit.”
And, why do I say subconsciously? Because “I can almost feel a switch flipping in my mind that instantly shuts off any rational thoughts.” (Jeff Haden) When I read this, it made sense to notice how I was self-sabotaging myself.
It took me hundreds of stumbles and failures to get rid of alcohol, and it was because I didn’t pay special attention to that (precise moment) when I subordinately turned off the switch of my rational thoughts. Everything went blank, and I just threw myself to enjoy the moment without thinking about the consequences.
I love to be an example in this matter, and I don’t feel embarrassed to share the failures of my life. On the contrary, I can better understand myself and help someone else not fall into the same trap. It can even help me find the hidden switch in the darkest side of my mind and take control of it.
Habits can be good or bad (for our benefit or against us.) Being addicted to something negative — that somehow deteriorates or deviates our life — doesn’t mean that we are bad people, nor are addictions the opposite of good habits; it’s just mismanaged behavior. “They are simply the consequence of mishandling our carnal desires.”
I don’t want to spoil the party for drink lovers because alcohol is not bad; it is medicinal. Even procrastinating isn’t so bad; it gives us time to prepare and plan. Using or practicing it without control is what leads us to get into trouble.
“The effects of your habits multiply as you repeat them. They seem to make little difference on any given day, yet the impact they deliver over the months and years can be enormous. It is only when looking back two, five, or perhaps ten years later that the value of good habits and the cost of bad ones becomes strikingly apparent.” — James Clear
Learn to know and love yourself so that you won’t fall into a complex trap challenging to escape. Carelessly seeking entertainment or wildly satisfying the desires of the flesh can cost you your success in life.
“Self-control is key because willpower is limited.”
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